What exactly does demisexual mean?
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which people experience only sexual attraction to people with whom they have close emotional ties. In other words, demisexual people experience sexual attraction only after an emotional bond has formed.
What kind of connection is it – love?
This emotional connection is not necessarily love or romance. For some demisexuals, it may be about friendship – including platonic friendship. He may not necessarily love the person – be it romantic or platonic – at all.
Why does he need a “label”?
Our orientation describes who we are attracted to. Demisexuals experience attraction to a select group of people. You may be wondering, “Why don’t many of us feel an emotional connection with someone before having sex with them?” Yes, many people choose to have sex only with people they have an affair with – whether it’s marriage, a romantic relationship, or a happy, trusting friendship. The difference is that demisexuality does not refer to sexual intercourse. It is about the ability to feel sexual attraction towards certain people. You can be sexually attracted to someone without having sex with them and you can have sex with someone without actually feeling attracted to them. It’s not about deciding to have sex, it’s about feeling sexually attracted to someone. That being said, some demisexuals may choose to wait a while before having sex with a romantic partner – but this is independent of their sexual orientation.
Does an emotional connection guarantee that sexual attraction will develop?
Not! Heterosexual men are sexually attracted to women, but they are not necessarily attracted to every woman they meet. Similarly, demisexuality does not mean that a demisexual person is attracted to everyone with whom they have a deep emotional connection.
Is this orientation also part of asexual attraction?
This question is the cause of much debate in asexual, gray and demisexual communities. An asexual person experiences little or no sexual attraction. “Sexual attraction” means finding someone sexually attractive and wanting to have sex with him. The opposite of asexual is sexual, also called homosexual. Grossexuality is often considered the “intermediate point of view” between asexuality and homosexuality – gay people rarely experience sexual attraction, or experience it with low intensity. Some people claim that demisexuality does not fall under the asexual umbrella, because it only refers to the circumstances in which you feel sexual attraction. Don’t necessarily comment on how often or how intense you feel sexual attraction. Someone who tends to feel intense sexual attraction to almost all of their closest friends and partners – but not to acquaintances or strangers – may feel that they are demisexual, but not asexual. Someone who is only sexually attracted to one or two close friends or partners, but not often and not intensely, could strongly identify with homosexuality or asexuality.
On the other hand, people claim that demisexuality falls under the asexual banner. This is because demisexuality describes a situation in which you experience sexual attraction only in limited circumstances. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about where this orientation falls on the asexual-homosexual spectrum. However, you want to identify yourself and you are welcome to choose more labels that describe your sexual and romantic orientation.
Can gender guidance be applied in this regard?
Most sexual orientation labels – such as gay, bisexual or pansexual – refer to the sex / people we are attracted to. Demisexual is different because it refers to the nature of our relationship with the people we are attracted to. So, yes, you can be demisexual and also gay, bisexual, pansexual, heterosexual and so on – whatever best describes your individual orientation.
What does it look like to be demisexual in practice?
Being demisexual is identified differently from person to person. If you are demisexual, you may relate to the following feelings or scenarios:
– I rarely feel sexually attracted to the people I see on the street, strangers or acquaintances.
– I felt sexually attracted to someone I was close to (such as a friend or romantic partner).
– I am not excited or interested in the thought of having sex with someone I do not know well, even if they are aesthetically beautiful or have a pleasant personality.
That being said, all demisexuals are different and you can be demisexual even if you don’t refer to the above.
How is this different from being graysexual?
Demisexual people experience sexual attraction only after a close emotional bond has been formed. This is different from rarely experiencing sexual attraction. People who face confessionals can often and intensely experience sexual attraction, but only with people they are close to. Similarly, graysexuals may find that they face sexual attraction, not necessarily with people with whom they have a close emotional connection.
Is it possible to be both at the same time or to fluctuate between the two?
Yes. You can identify as demisexual and graysexual or demisexual and asexual simultaneously. It is also good to fluctuate between guidelines. Can you move between periods of sexuality and asexuality? Yes. As mentioned earlier, demisexual people could identify as asexual, gay, or even homosexual. Sexuality and orientation are fluid. You may find your ability to change sexual attraction over time. For example, you might go from being gay to being graysexual to being asexual. Interestingly, a sexual census found that over 80% of respondents identified another orientation before being identified as asexual, which demonstrates how fluid sexuality can be.
Can demisexuals experience other forms of attraction?
Yes! Demisexual people may experience other forms of attraction. This may include:
– Romantic attraction: the desire for a romantic relationship with someone
– Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on how they look
– Sensual or physical attraction: the desire to touch or undress someone
– Platonic attraction: the desire to be friends with someone
– Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone
What does it mean to be demisexual for partner relationships?
People who face demisexuals may or may not want romantic relationships and partnerships. In relationships, demisexual people may or may not choose to have sex. For some demisexuals, sex may not be important in relationships. For others, it is important. Some demisexual people may feel that their relationship with their partner is not necessarily close enough for them to feel sexually attracted to their partner. Some may choose to wait until they feel close enough to their partner, and others may give up. Some may have sex with their partner without feeling sexually attracted to him. Every demisexual person is different.
Is it okay not to want a relationship at all?
Yes. Many people – including demisexuals – do not want relationships and this is completely OK. Remember that having an emotional connection with someone is not the same as having or wanting a romantic relationship with them. So, a demisexual person may have an emotional connection with someone and feel sexually attracted to them, but they do not necessarily want a romantic relationship with that person.
What about sex?
Being demisexual does not mean your capacity for sexual pleasure, but only sexual attraction. Test yourself on redtube and looking for more sexual topics and discover yourself. There is also a difference between sexual attraction and sexual behavior. You can be sexually attracted to someone without having sex with them and you can have sex with someone you are not sexually attracted to. There are many reasons why people have sex, including:
– to get pregnant
– to feel intimacy
– for emotional connection
– of pleasure and fun
– for experimentation
So, demisexual people – like any other group of people – could have sex with people they are not sexually attracted to. As for people who are asexual and graysexual, they are all unique and may have different feelings about sex. The words used to describe these feelings include:
– rejected by sex, which means they do not like sex and do not want to practice it
– regardless of gender, which means they feel “warm” about sex
– favorable to sex, which means they want and enjoy sex
Where does masturbation fit into this?
Sexual and graysexual people may masturbate. This includes demisexuals who can be identified as asexual or graysexual. And yes, it can be nice for them. Again, each person is unique.
How do you know where you fall under the asexual umbrella?
There is no test to determine if you are asexual, graysexual or demisexual. You may find it helpful to ask questions such as:
– Who do I have sex with?
– How do I feel about these people?
– How often do I feel sexual attraction?
– How intense is this sexual attraction?
– Is sexual attraction an important factor in choosing who to meet?
– Do I ever feel sexually attracted to strangers or acquaintances?
Of course, there are no right or wrong answers. Every demisexual person would respond differently based on their own feelings and experiences. However, asking these questions can help you understand and process your feelings about sexual attraction.